Words of the Wise (Sept 29):Somebody do something news worthy!

I hope something really big, huge, happens this weekend, nothing bad (I'm cynical not evil), just something big. The reasion I am wishing for this; I am getting tired of there being no news. Each day I wake up and ooh, looks like the first female space tourist just broke the atmosphere! Guess what the astronauts rebuilding the international space station had to come back beacouse they forgot there hammer! The first female space tourist, saw a moon fly by on the left of the ship (or maybe it was just some space junk). The first female space tourist opened up a raspberry tart space pack, but it was actually one of the ice cream ones! And did I tell you there was a lady space tourist in space!
Ok, we get it there's no news, now you space buffs are saying "Travis, this is the best month of our lives", I am aware of this, but can we keep it off the front page, space stories are generally reserrved for 25a, I'm a computer buff, but you don't see me spreading lap-top stories all over the New York Times.
When there is no news, tabloids make there money;

"Wow hunny, there was a dancing monkey on Lettermen last night."

The young coupple reads the headline then turns to the tabloid section;

"Oh wow, a five headed man from Mars just caught Osama!"

Wich would you buy? Really every time there is no news big news companies must shoot them selves in the feet. It's not absolutly nessacary to make up a headline but if the only news was about that dancing monkey, what would you do?

Twinkies

I heard today that Twinkies have a half-life of twelve years, this is disturbing, now don't get me wrong I love the Twinkie (although I prefer the Devil Dog) there great, but nobody wants to here the words Twinkie and half-life in the same phrase. It's not natural, wich is what most of the food we consume is-not natural. I would much rather wach TV and stuff my face with Twinkies then read about the Twinkie half-life while stuffing my face with Twinkies. The same goes with potato chips, french fries, chocolate (however recent studies show that chocolate can be good for the heart and taste buds), soda, and various other forms of junk. So if you're pushing healthy eating please push somewhere else beacouse I'm stuffing my face with a Philly chease steak!

(Authors note: I have no actuall clue what the Twinkie half-life is, Wikipedia says the 12 year thing is a myth, so go on stuff your face it's ok there really healthy and only have a shelf life of 25 days.)

It took me 2 hours to write this!

So it's been almost a week sence I lasted posted anything, so I thought I should today... ...I probably should have created some kind of agenda but... Well I just ate dinner, had dersert, went out for an hour and forgot I was working on a blog entry, now I am no longer motavated.

Words of the Wise (Sept 9): Funny

For some reasion I find almost everything funny, you can and will interpret this in one of two ways, one: I find joy in life and a jolly humorous person. Two; a cynical and bitter shell of a man. Chances are you picked neither because just when you were about to decide this sentence started and insed of stopping and thinking about the two choices you were offered you just carelessly read on. However when you got to the end of that sentence you stopped and thought about what you just read, maybe you even chuckled a little bit. For some reasion I find this funny.

Getting back to my original point if you guessed point number two you were right, or at least for the most part. I consider myself a jolly cynic: meaning I can laugh at anything. This is good and bad at the same time, beacouse this morning I got up and drove a few hours to go to the grocery store, now I could have gone to the grocrey store accross the street but it's a ugly shade of gray thus I hate it. I find it funny how I dive an hour to get to my preferred store beacouse I hate the color of my local one, haha haha the jolly cynic strikes again! When I got to the store I started laughing at this big guy beacouse well he was a body builder and for some reasion I find them funny. Then I got mauled wich was also funny, it's just so stereotypical of big tuff guys to also be mean.

What has really been annoying me of late is words, I find them like everything else funny. This is bad beacouse I can no longer carry on conversations with people;

Me: So I here you have cats (chuckle)

Guy: Yes, I have two cats, my cats like to sit on the window sill, however my one cat fell off now the other cat has the sill all to it's self.

Me: (Burst out laughing)

Because think about it if you really focus on a word for a long time it automatically becomes funny. Funny, now there's a funny word funny is just so funny, haha I can't stop laughing funny, it's funny, just so funny!

Words of the Wise (Sept 2); Shot in the foot.

I just shot my self in the foot, well not literally. What happened was I bought a new keyboard, before it had always been just me and my laptop but I read on the internet that if a laptop keyboard breaks, you can not replace it, this is bad. So I got a new one for home use. But now it does not fit on my desk, so I just opened my desk drawer and put it in there, wich was bad because now my carpal tunnel is acting up and I can't write anything.