Words of the wise (nov 26); Winter is fun for everyone!

Throughout the years thousands of people have died because of winter, this is not good (last week I ‘hinted’ at the fact that if millions of people died it would be a good thing, but I was drunk on water). So this week I have decided to instruct you in the ways of winter fun, how to stay safe and have a good time, if you live in Canada or the South Pole most likely you have already been killed by some sort of snow storm. But for the rest of the people in the world who have not had the full force of winter yet here are some handy tips for you.

Part one; Reasons why I like the cold. No matter how cold it gets you can always go up to the attic and take out your great grandpa’s mothball, mildewed jacket. But when it gets really, really hot you can’t just strip off another layer, after you’re under garments there’s really nothing left. One time it was like 39c (102f) and I was so hot, so I just stripped off my skin that was a nightmare I wish I could forget. So layers are key no matter how cold it gets, just put on a few more mitts an you’ll be fine! This brings me to my next segment on our tour of winter fun!

Part two; Clothes make the (edited for politically correctness) person! You cant get all dressed up in your swim suit and go out side in freezing weather, for two reasons one, you could die. And two, you would be very disappointed that there was nothing to swim in. When dressing for the winter outdoors you should dress in layers, here’s how it works. Your first layer should be like a turtleneck, made or polyester, that’s right polyester! I’m sorry all you organic people who dress in all natural furs, but polyester is the way to go. You see polyester actually wicks the sweat away from your body, so your sweat does not freeze on your skin. Wool just keeps it there, this is fine for when you are working hard but when you stop you turn to ice. For your next layer you can put on wool, that’s ok, if wool is too itchy for you put on some sort of sweat shirt, maybe cotton, but cotton is not that good at removing sweat either, so never use it as a first layer! Now that you’re sort of warm put on something that will break the wind, a nice winter jacket would work, or if it’s a warmer day just where a windbreaker. If you don’t believe what I have said try going out in only a wool shirt and cotton short and running as fast as you can into a snow bank.

Part three; sledding a good way to make money. In today’s sue happy world everybody is trying to get rich, jump into the canned food shelf at the grocery store you can try to sue, going by the story that the bag (edited for politically correctness) person, pushed you into it. These stories only work some of the time, the sure fire way to make money is to do one of America’s ole time, and still a favorite pass times! A great winter one is sledding; Sledding is every boys dream, the thrill of speed, a race to the bottom, that’s why Flex’en Flyer makes top quality products for the American Family. That popular add, hit radios in the fifty’s! To get hurt sledding all you have to do is go to the top of a hill (on some one else’s property) go as fast as you can into their fence! This is a sure fire way to make millions! But if you just want to sled for fun I can recommend some nice computer games for you to play over the next few months!

Well I hope you have learned something here, it took me about twenty minuets to write this (including the time I ate a three course meal), so as you can see I really care. Oh if you get hurt using my advice sue your clothing manufacturer or your sled company, but don’t sue me!