Words of the wise (nov 19); A computer and an empty brain.

Cobras Kill more people per year in India then lightning in the Vatican Republic. This has nothing to do with today’s topic, except the fact I have no topic, that’s right nadda nothing no nothing at all.

I woke up on Monday and said to my self “today I am going to write the best column ever!” So I went out and about my day, I did the same on Tuesday, and Wednesday, Thursday, and now here it is Friday and my document is blank (except for the last two paragraphs).

This really got me to thinking; if I can think of nothing to write, why not write about that? Well why not indeed, my motive; I have nothing to write about! My method; a computer and an empty brain. My Logic; Ha-ha ha ooh ha-ha ha, in reality I think I may be bordering on insanity (I have not slept in the past week and the only thing I eat these days is cat food).
Lets go over my reasons for writing this in detail. My motive; I have nothing to write about! We can break this down logically, Fact, I write a column every week. Fact this week of all weeks I have nothing to write about. This important information we can proceed to the next part of my logic.

My Method; A computer and an empty brain, these two tools combined can be very dangerous, as this editorial is proving. A computer has power to connect with millions, to create great masterpieces, to listen and view great masterpieces and a few other things I don’t feel like listing. Computers can also kill; yes even as you read this, your computer is killing you. How? well computers give off radiation, just like microwaves (that’s how they cook you TV dinners) so every time you look at your computer its like sticking you head in a microwave! Computers are also just as dangerous as open mines. That’s why I own birds, and every time I go to check my email I bring the bird with me, that way if I mutate the bird can get away.

I am quite aware that I am off topic, but that is ok because you and I know perfectly well we don’t have the attention span to listen to why I am writing this, yeah that’s what I was talking about!

It is not a good thing that the world’s attention span is getting less and- Ohh! Tater Tots! I love these things, they are like shredded potatoes molded into little logs! And they are so good I could eat 5 score of these things and not have enough!
Back to my second or third topic, an empty brain and a computer are a very, very dangerous combo! That’s why each day I hope that me along with the millions of people with empty brains will be killed by the radiation from there computers, then they will fall forward hitting the off button. This would eliminate the empty brain and the computer, and we would once again be normal aside from the fact that millions of people would be dead.

Now for the grand finally, I will go back to my original topic of how cobras killed more people in India then lightning killed in the Vatican Republic this is based on real fact (I saw it on TV). This is a surprising statistic because there are like 500 million people in India and like 4 or 5 in the Vatican Republic (Pope Benedict, his cat, and I few guards). Oh wait maybe that’s not so surprising, ok never mind this whole column is moot.


I’m gonna go cry about that, next week!